Papa Pursuing Joy

Love unconditional

2010-08-02T12:53:00.002-05:00

What a goal, and one I am not sure that I will fully achieve while I struggle here on earth with this flesh of mine. First of all, self is always getting in the way of any love I have. My head hurts, my body hurts, I’m hungry and so on. It is so hard to love when I am not feeling one hundred percent great. I guess that is why I need mercy and compassion along with forgiveness and understanding as a self prescribed ointment. Without it, the rest of the human race would not have a chance with me. But beyond those things that ail me (and others), it is always easier to love those who are lovely to me. Reason that along with the fact that it would be truly impossible to love everyone, and I have a perfect excuse to pick and choose who I love and narrow it down to the lovely people who are likers of Tyler.

The problem is that it all breaks down when I consider the love that God has for me. True that as I child I did seek Him. I did so by asking my grandmother about Him, or at least how to live in Heaven with Him. But even then, I mostly wanted to secure a place in Heaven for myself. Ouch, as I think about it, I was really just loving myself. How many times did I pray at night “I pray the Lord my soul to keep.” Those words I repeated nightly as if a magical phrase would pave my way to Heaven. I can remember the fear with which I prayed those words and the contemplation of going to hell instead of Heaven. I guess one facet of God’s beauty is that he considered my plea and loved me despite my self focused state. I am in awe that He made a path and that He made the path known to me. Awaken me today Lord to love those you want me to love.

Another walk

2009-10-12T12:24:00.002-05:00

Tony walks out of the room coaxing Lily to go with him. Brandon plays with Lexi on our bed. The time is right and Tracy and I slip out the door. Another walk together. It has almost become a daily tradition. Thanks to my big boys for watching the little ones. I so enjoy walking with Tracy's hand in mine the .4 miles up our gravel road, across Kibler, up through the cemetery and then back again. Not sure when this season will end but it will be one of my favorites.

Wake up hungry

2009-06-21T06:53:00.003-05:00

Jeremiah finally got me out of bed around 6:45. He had made breakfast for us on father's day. He is so excited about today and I am so blessed.

Beyond the stained glass window

2009-01-28T19:15:00.004-06:00

It’s has been a long time but I really do like posting so here goes.

The doctor told Tracy that the place where her incision was made years ago (Before Jeremiah, Josiah, Lily, and now Lexi) was stretched so much that it looked like a stain glass window. I wouldn’t have wanted to see Lexi through that window (as I am a bit squeamish) but I do appreciate that her body held up until Lexi could be delivered safely. Anyone who knows me well and was around me a bunch the last few weeks, probably knew that I was a bit stressed.

We are blessed to have all of these children. And the last four have been a blessing that some doctors told us was not possible. We were told that there was no alternative to shutting down the factory. So here is Lexi. I don’t know her very well yet, but I think she will grow up and tell you that God has a plan for her and for you too.

Open a door

2008-09-01T01:15:00.003-05:00

In Sunday school we were discussing David and Saul. The passage below is part of what we were reading:

1 Samuel 18:28
When Saul realized that the LORD was with David and that his daughter Michal loved David, 29 Saul became still more afraid of him, and he remained his enemy the rest of his days.
30 The Philistine commanders continued to go out to battle, and as often as they did, David met with more success [f] than the rest of Saul's officers, and his name became well known.

God brought to mind the passage about opening doors. When I looked it up, I was suprised to see the words "who holds the key of David".

Revelation 3:7
"To the angel of the church in Philadelphia write: These are the words of him who is holy and true, who holds the key of David. What he opens no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open. 8I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name. 9I will make those who are of the synagogue of Satan, who claim to be Jews though they are not, but are liars—I will make them come and fall down at your feet and acknowledge that I have loved you.

As me and my friends move forward in an outreach ministry I do feel like I have little strength. Will you pray with me for God to open a door that NO ONE CAN SHUT! Pray with me that many will fall down at the feet of Jesus and acknowledge his love.

Anniversary

2008-08-08T07:00:00.001-05:00

Happy anniversary Tracy. That is today isn’t it. I have been married well over half of my life. The wife of my youth has been faithful and loving. Our marriage is not perfect. Pride and selfishness sneak in at times and we argue about stupid things. That tends to happen anytime you take your eyes off of the Lord. I confess this because it is true. But do you know what? God has been faithful and patient with us . I am grateful to you Lord. It is amazing that he has blessed us so greatly. He has given us His word to live by and to train up our children with. He has given us many beautiful children and the strength, wisdom, and patients to raise them. Again, not that I have done this perfectly, but He has given us so much grace. He has given us wonderful friends that we can share with and grow with, friends who have touched our lives and encouraged us to be better people, better parents, and better children of God.

What is this married couple that I belong to. I am Papa and she is Momma. We are a team. We dream together and often find reality outside of our dreams together. We parent as a team. We love to cook together. We love to be together but try not to neglect the other things that God has called us to be. In fact, we are a team that has been built to fulfill His many purposes, children be a primary purpose in our marriage. The many blessing God has given me I do not deserve. I don’t know why he chose me to receive them. But I thank you Lord, and I will give you the glory for all the good in my life.

Papa pursuing Joy (and Love)

2008-07-19T06:16:00.003-05:00

What is up with Papa. Well, I have been dealing with a lot of emotions this year.
To sum up:
TJ moved out
I turned 40
Lana got married
Mom passed away
We are having another baby

I’ve learned something, when the emotions swell up, the mental, physical, and spiritual take the back seat, shrink from grapes to raisins, dry up like tears on a hot sidewalk, um you get the point. So it has been time for evaluating where I am and where I want to go (or as God’s child, I could also say, where does God want me to go, I mean the same thing).

Priority one - Me. Not in a selfish way, but the papa has to be ok. The leader has to have a plan. He has the have a vision that fulfills his purpose, which indeed implies that he has a purpose. He needs to have patience and lots of it. He has to have a storehouse of faith and hope that he can share in a moment. To be followed, he needs to have joy. He’d like to have peace and in great measure too. He can’t get wrapped around the axel, sucked in by the vacuum of details, tipped over and tossed out by the waves of tasks and demands. (I think I hear the grass growing right now, wait, stop it, it’s still dark out.) Yet he can’t let the details fall to the ground. The Papa has a lot to do and a lot giving to give. He can’t demand to much from the helpmeet that is given to him, he can’t drain the children to shore up his emotional well being. He needs to be close to the commander and know the commanders heart. He needs time for reflection, refreshing, refilling, and revival of the heart.
I’ve recently memorized I Corinthians 13:4-8, that was the easy part. The Papa need to put that into practice. I have also memorized the fruits of the spirit but my branches are not necessarily straining to support large quantities of fruit. The Papa needs that kind of fruit. The soldier needs his training and his armor. The shepherd, his wisdom and his staff. But the dad, this here Papa, he needs to be drenched in and dripping of the attributes of love. This here Papa has got his own arrows to shoot and I need to make sure that I am seeing clearly. I can’t allow myself to be blinded by selfishness or ugliness. I can’t allow selfishness to cloud my discernment. I must discern the correct target. There are a million things to aim my arrows at but I can only aim at one of them. I have a great influence on where my arrows land.

Pray that I will stay faithful to getting up and spending time seeking the Lords will, favor, blessings, discernment, aid, comfort, protection, provision, strength, vision, direction, wisdom, and love. This here Papa needs all that and so much more from the Lord and I would cherish your prayers in this regard because I intend for things to keep changing around here.
Peace from the Papa who is pursuing Joy (and Love).

Happy Birthday America!

2008-07-03T23:23:00.002-05:00

I am greatful to live in this country. As I get older, I understand just a little more how blessed we are. I leave you with a few quotes from John Adams (our second president) and a link to many more quotes on WallBuilders. What a rich heritage we have.

"Suppose a nation in some distant region should take the Bible for their only law book and every member should regulate his conduct by the precepts there exhibited. . . . What a Eutopia – what a Paradise would this region be!"

"I have examined all religions, and the result is that the Bible is the best book in the world."

2008-06-08T21:53:00.003-05:00

It isn't easy saying goodbye to my mother. She was buried yesterday in Kansas. The cemetery is called Pleasant Hill. Location: Starting at Louisville, go 1 mile North on Highway 99, turn RIGHT and go 2 1/2 miles on Wheaton Road (Wheaton and 99 fork). Turn RIGHT on Martin road and go 1 1/2 miles east, turn LEFT on Water Mill Road go 1/2 mile north, turn left at Indian Creek Road onto gravel road, you will see the Pleasant Hill Cemetery sign.

My mother was strong willed and soft hearted. She loved me and my siblings very much. She would give what she had to anyone in need. She didn’t judge people because that had less. My hope is that her name is written in the Book of Life so that I may see her again. Thanks to everyone who lifted me and my family up in prayer. Our trip to Kansas and back went well considering the age of our younger children. Many came to support us and love on us through this hard time. As this whirlwind comes to an end I am sure I will have more time for reflection and tears and perhaps a change in the way I view my time on earth.

Mothers Day

2008-05-11T23:13:00.002-05:00

Happy Mother's day Tracy. I know this is a busy time and I hope I am able to help you the next two weeks to get everything done. I just want to take a moment to think about the past without thinking about the craziness we have been dealing with lately.

All of the diaper changes, the feedings, all of the meals you have fixed. All of the times you stayed up with sick kids and all of the ouchies you had to fix. All of the trips to the grocery store and all of the trips you took to the park to make it a special day.

All of the games you went to and the way you let each kid know that you wouldn't miss it for the world. All of the times you had to wipe a nose or a bottom or a face. The labor pains and the heart pains. The early morning and the late nights talking with children and working through problems. Birthday parties (73 to be exact) and graduations. Sewing clothes, shopping for clothes, mending clothes, washing clothes, and hanging them on the line. The laundromat both in Fayetteville and in Germany. Loading the car and unloading the car.

Walks around the lake and across our land. Trips to Florida, Indiana, Germany and back, Tennessee, Texas and a hundred other places. In the car seat and out of the car seat and back in the car seat. Nursing on the side of the road. Peeing on the side of the road (not you, the kids).
Holding hands at fireworks displays. Holding ears at fireworks displays. Waiting to get out of the parking lot after firework displays. Eating at restaurants and walking babies around restaurants. Leaving movies because babies were upset. Camp fires and fireflies. Marshmallows, moon pies, apple pies (homemade) and blue berries (both picking and cooking with).

This just scratches the surface and a kid will never know what it is to be a mom until they are one. They may have a clue if they marry one.

Thanks for living a life of sacrifice to raise your children for the Glory of God. I am amazed at how much you do with taking so little.
I love you and happy Mother's Day.

A little work and a little play.

2008-04-13T00:33:00.002-05:00

Just a quick post here. Me and the boys stayed home today to clean and Tracy and Lana went up to the church to work on the dress. The big boys were good helpers and the little boys behaved well. At some point the boys took a quick break and went fishing. I think it was Jeremiah's idea. Tony and Josiah caught a nice looking bass. It was a good day. I need to remember to work in a little fun around all of the work.

Life is good

2008-04-06T22:46:00.003-05:00

Time is flying by and I am not sure what to share about. We had a good visit with the neighbors about a week and a half ago. They showed us their garden and all of the fruit trees that they have planted. I got a good look at their chickens. They have a beautiful black rooster and several large hens. BJ and his dad know quite a bit about a country way of life. I am blessed to have such good neighbors.
Tracy and I decided that it was time to get some trees in the ground ourselves; we are now the proud owners of seven fruit trees. Just tonight the boys and I got the last two in the ground. (Tracy came out when she could to help finish the job.) Jeremiah asked if the trees could die and I told him sure they could, that is why it is important to ask God to bless them. I then preceded to do just that and again now, God, I ask you to bless our trees and bless our land. It seems like I forget to invite God to partake in the small, everyday things. Forgive me, Father.
Tonight, I just looked around the table and enjoyed the faces of my children. I think that is Tracy’s normal mode, but I tend to be always working on something in my mind. For a few minutes I just enjoyed how beautiful God made each of our children and my heart was warm and full of love. Then I thought, I will forget this someday. Should I worry or just enjoy it all the more?
Tony and Brandon have been helping so much lately as we are busy with the wedding. Jeremiah and Josiah are starting to behave so well at church on Sunday mourning. And Lily is loving her papa more each day. Just tonight she was feeding me her banana bread. And my sweet Lana is previewing my post for me. [EDIT: because she loves her papa… lots :^D] Life is good.

Two Log Bridge

2008-03-09T21:03:00.002-05:00

Around two years ago we built a bridge out of two logs. At some point not long after, I nailed a scrap of wood across the two logs so that there was a platform in the middle of the two logs. That made it a little easier to cross over. We had little to no money invested in the bridge and it served us well. I remember after I first built it, Tracy came out to look at it. She asked, “When you said you were going to build a bridge across the creek, is this what you pictured?”It was going to be temporary, so I didn’t care much that is didn’t look too good. Then just the other day we lost the two log bridge when all the rain came. It was swept away in the flood. Yesterday, Brandon and I walked to the edge of our land and looked down in the creek and guess what we found stuck between two trees. It was the two logs from our bridge. Tony and I carried the logs back over to where the bridge had been and put them back across. Then Brandon and I used scraps to deck it all the way across. It's the new and improved two log bridge. While the bridge was gone we sure missed it. Some day we will make a "nice" bridge but until then, it is wonderful to have this one.

Weeds

2008-03-02T22:04:00.002-06:00

Genesis 3:17 To Adam he said, "Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, 'You must not eat of it,' "Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life.
18 It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field.

No joke!

Those thorns are still around today along with many other weeds. I have one bed of blueberries that I didn’t tend to last year and let me tell you it was a mess. I had a thorn bush that was bigger than the blueberry bushes. I got as many weeds along with their roots as I could without destroying the plants. It took several hours. I enjoyed the work on Saturday as the weather was beautiful but I can see that it is going to be a life long effort to keep the weeds down. I hope that the enormous amount of mulch (shredded paper from work) will help.
Even though the ground is cursed, the power of life in a seed is amazing to me.

This is a picture of one of the enemies.

Die weed die!

Sleeping Pie

2008-02-25T20:16:00.003-06:00

Tracy and Lana went to the store to look at things for the wedding,

so the boys and I are holding down the fort.

Lilly was a good girl and played with Papa in the bedroom. We were laughing at each other and talking. After a long while, she laid down her head and I patted her back as she started drifting off to sleep. Tony came in and she was up. Then after a little while she laid back down and had just started to fall back to sleep when Jeremiah came in and she was up and mad. I found myself trying to get her to lay back down and then thought, "hey, I don’t care if she sleeps, we were just having fun". So we started playing again and soon I was tickling her to sleep.

She fell asleep with a huge smile on her face and wrinkles above her nose.

So sweet.

Almost there, seed time.

2008-02-23T21:08:00.003-06:00

Getting closer. Tony, Brandon and I worked on the garden today. Thanks both of you for the hard work you did and for spending time with me out in the cold. It was windy and cold. We built a base for the cold frame. It is actually big enough for two cold frames. Tony went over to the goat field and brought me back a 5 gallon bucket full of manure while I was turning the soil over. I hope at some point that I won’t have to turn the soil but it was packed down and I don’t have a broadfork. I don’t have much left to do until I can put the seeds in the ground.

As for the rest of the garden. Well, I would be thrilled to just get half of it under control this year. It is full of Bermuda grass and that stuff is hard to kill. I need to learn how to manage the compost, weeds, water, and so on. I will have to learn how to focus on my hobby to achieve the results I want. Come discipline.

Boundaries

2008-02-10T21:13:00.000-06:00

What I wanted to post was a picture or two of the cold frame that Brandon and I worked on yesterday, but we don’t have it in place yet. Maybe we will get it done soon. I have also been busy working with Tony on an invisible fence. Our big dog needs to be able to spend time outside but we were afraid that he would just dig under or jump over a regular fence. This fence will keep him close to our house and away from our neighbors as well as away from our chickens (we hope). If he goes outside of the boundaries, well, it will be painful. Let just say electric shock. I have not personally tested it but Tony has. Why we tested it more than once, I can’t say. He comes in saying “You got to try this!”. No thanks.
Isn’t it great that God knows what is good for me. He sets boundaries for me. If I love Him I will stay in those boundaries. Unfortunately I don’t always obey him and then my relationship with Him suffers. I hope this year to consider with great joy how God has defined what is good for me. He has shown me in His word. He keeps watch over me. Thank you Lord for my boundaries.

Superbowl (or not)

2008-02-03T12:16:00.000-06:00

Ok, we don't actually watch the Superbowl. We have the snacks, fun, and more snacks. We may watch "Facing the Giants". I do like football but it just seems like there is too much trash mixed in that it is difficult to justify watching it with all of our sweet kids.

Brandon is a mastermind. He designed this hocky game and it has been a "superbowl" party hit already.

Someone may post the actual video but I just wanted to focus on the mastermind behind the game. Brandon!

Open the door

2008-02-02T21:36:00.000-06:00

Last Sunday, Abby from our church was sharing a thought about how Jesus would feel if He came to the door of our church. Would He feel welcome? Later Paul shared a communion meditation that came from Revelation 3:20 Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.

Paul pointed out that this verse is written to believers, though we normally think of it as being written to one coming to the Lord for the first time. Notice Revelation 3:19 Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent.

I think that is just what I need to be thinking about. Are the doors in my life open to Jesus? All the doors? Do I make time for Him. Would He feel welcome here. Thanks Paul and Abby for sharing what I needed to hear. God, help me to not be lukewarm. Help me to accept your rebuke. Help me to be earnest, and to repent when you do rebuke me.

Well, this is what I have been thinking about this week among other things. God has driven this thought home is several ways. Maybe my next post will be a little more light-hearted.

Purpose

2008-01-31T20:56:00.000-06:00

My wife is a person that does things with great purpose. I love her blog (I love her). Her blog’s purpose is clearly stated “Finding Joy in the Little Things”. I love reading it so much and I appreciate how she has managed to stay on topic. I remember years ago when she was working on a lesson that she was going to teach in the women’s class at our church. She expressed after pouring herself for weeks into the lesson that she just wanted the women who came to get something out of it (and of course they did). That was her purpose, she wasn’t concerned with whether or not they liked her, she just wanted to bless them. That was a lesson to me, as one who can be overly concerned with whether or not I might offend someone. I know we are a good pair but I hope I don’t hold her back (actually, she doesn’t settle for mediocrity that easily). Anyways, here I am starting a blog without quite the purpose that she has. None the less, I plan to be myself and use this blog to focus and reflect on life.
I do hope with all my life to keep the proper perspective. I am a child of the Most High God, and for some reason He love me and blesses my family. It is in this role that I find my joy.